Your case has been assigned to a local Vice Squad member due to your many vices. Drinking, lying, cheating, double-crossing, swindling, and backstabbing are your specialties. Your humor—you prefer to make people laugh before toying with them—is your saving grace.
Taurus
Always forgiving, you never harbor grudges. Everybody calls you darling. You assist elderly women cross the street, rescue cats from trees, and grab newborns falling from burning buildings. Your sole problem is that you may be too polite, which can be harmful in a devilish world.
Your middle spot was inevitable. The person with an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other battling for your attention is you. Breakfast and attitude determine your angel or devil behavior. You are like night and day, good and evil, summer and winter—confusing opposites.
Gemini
You want to be decent, but life's temptations are hard to resist. You spend your days taking your niece to school, yoga, seeing your aunt in the hospital, and hooking up with that Tinder man for four hours. You pray God is forgiving because you'll need it.
Lions are honorable, strong, handsome, and majestic—until you offend them. Then you howl and display your terrifying teeth. You adore doing good until someone crosses you, then you make them regret it forever.
Virgo
You are kind, witty, giving, and charming. Your numerous aspirations preoccupy you. And your 10-mile streak is nasty. If someone dumb enough to cross you, you will pursue retribution and humiliate them. You're likeable otherwise.
Libra
You are the most pure and lovely angel. Your initial sin is your sole sin. Because of your purity, angels seek your wisdom. Even the Saints say, “OK, I get it—you’re good—but maybe take it down a notch, because you make everyone else feel guilty.” Heavy boots prevent you from flying into paradise.
Scorpio
Satan checks calls so you don't shout at him. You live in a luxurious condo under seven hellish floors. Evil lives in you, but what a physique! Your charm may make the Pope beg for a taste.
Sagittarius
Love is as natural as breathing. Live with a smile and song. You like making people laugh and chatting. When they lie, you let out some Devil, but truth is best. You never let bad moods destroy your mood—you feel the white-hot fire of wrath and release it.
Because the Devil is you, artworks depict him with a goat's head. You voluntarily posed for that photo. Doing good is for suckers. You'll commit crimes until caught, then apologize. In rare cases, you are scapegoated, but typically you are guilty.
Your greatest strength as the water-bearer is your apparently endless generosity. You like making others happy. Honest, compassionate, and loving. However, your drive might make you make bad choices.
You strictly follow your code of ethics. Kind, compassionate, forgiving, and empathetic. Your main shortcoming is becoming moderately upset when individuals don't repay your warmth and charity. You soon get over it because life is too short to let haters bother you.